Chuck vs The CIA Assassin
by LeeCan
Summary: Even though they love each other. Chuck and Sarah have chose to live apart. But sometimes fate steps in when least expected. And sometimes even fate needs a hand up from someone unexpected. Mature content warning for chapter four.
1. Chapter 1

The usual I don't own or profit from this, ect.

This is a little dark to begin with. I promise only happy endings.

Chuck vs The CIA Assassin

"I'm must say again Director, I don't recommend that Agent Walker see Bartowski." Robert Carson was the psychiatrist in charge of Sarah Walker's case.

"It's been nine weeks, Dr. Carson. I cannot afford to have Walker benched indefinitely."

"Director, Bartowski is the reason why she is in this nearly catatonic state. She believes she killed him and has mentally shut herself off from the rest of the world. She could not live with the successful completion of her orders."

John Casey and Chuck Bartowski waited outside the CIA Psychiatrist's office. Chuck was nervous. He wanted to see Sarah but was also hesitant, even afraid. He knew she had pulled the trigger and that her aim was true. If not for Casey suspecting the hit order and making sure Chuck wore a protective vest, he would be dead now.

Chuck closed his eyes and replayed the scene for the millionth time. He was in his bedroom and turned around to see Sarah, gun drawn and aiming right at his chest. They locked eyes right before he felt the awful pain. He knew she was going to kill him from the look in her eyes. He also saw that it would kill her as well.

Chuck knew that the look shared between them lasted only a fraction of a second but he saw her apologize for what she had to do. He saw the fear in her eyes but could not tell if it was fear of pulling the trigger or fear of not pulling the trigger. He saw the moisture form around her eyes. Then he saw what hurt him the most. Her eyes told him she could not go on living after having done this.

He felt so sorry for her. If he would have had time he would have told her it would be OK.

Casey told him afterwards that Sarah crumpled to the floor. She tried to raise the gun to her own head but that he got there in time to prevent it. She kept repeating in a little girl voice, "I love you, Chuck. I love you, Chuck."

Chuck had not been allowed to see Sarah. The doctors thought that her grasp on reality was too precarious at the moment. She still believed that she had killed him, to see him walk through her secured cell door may push her right back to square one.

As for Chuck, ten weeks ago he would have bet his life that Sarah Walker would fight to the death to protect him. He would have been right. He just did not know that she would follow all orders no mater how difficult they may be. It was an unavoidable certainty now that when ordered to kill him…she would. It made him realize that although he thought he knew her, he did not.

But, he…still…loved her.

"Casey, how do you love someone that's just put a bullet through your heart, or at least tried to?" Chuck asked the question without looking at Casey.

Silence.

Just when Chuck was resigned not to get a response, Casey said, "If I tried to explain to you what Walker has gone through to become one of the top agents for the CIA, you couldn't grasp it. You haven't seen men torture, murder and rape people just to get a bit of information or for no reason at all. Hell, Walker's seen a whole village massacred, every man, woman and child just because they would not disclose her location. That does something to you. You don't come back from that. The person you know is Sarah Walker, your protector. You don't know the countless other Sarah Walkers. Assassin, blackmailer, manipulator, adulterer, thief and anything else she has to be to complete her mission."

"Look," he continued. "She didn't know the orders were fake and that fulcrum had planned the whole thing to get rid of the intersect. How could she have? There could be a million reasons that order went out. Her job is not to question. An agent follows orders, period."

At that moment the CIA doctor and director came out of the doctor's office.

"Well Mr. Bartowski, I'm going to let you see her but only briefly . We'll see how she does."

Ten minutes later Chuck was escorted through Sarah's door by Dr. Carson. Sarah was asleep. The doctor asked Chuck to stand next to him at the side of the bed.

"Sarah, can you wake up? I've got someone that wants to see you." He waited for her to open her eyes. He held his breath until he saw her reaction.

Sarah's eyes slowly opened and were focused on the doctor. Chuck saw her realization that someone was with the him. She slowly moved her vision from the doctor to Chuck.

Her eyes grew wide and the confusion apparent upon her countenance. Chuck watched her eyes fill with tears and then overflow.

"Is this a reaction to the drugs?" She asked.

"No, Sarah. This is real. Chuck Bartowski is alive. You did not kill him. He's right here."

She turned her face away from Chuck. "Is it true?" She was speaking to Chuck. Wanting to hear his voice.

"Sarah, it's true. I'm right here."

She continued to look away from him. "Please leave, I can't take this. I can't take anymore."

"Mr. Bartowski, maybe it's better if you leave."

"Sarah, it's OK. Just get better. I need you back." Chuck was fumbling with his words as we walked out of the room.

"She's in bad shape, Director Graham," Casey said as they watched Sarah through a two way mirror, wailing at the top of her lungs and thrashing at her restraints. "I can't make out what she's saying."

Just then Dr. Carson entered the small observation room. "She's saying, 'Forgive me'."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I know. I know the pacing is **way** too fast. That's just the way it came out. I don't have the time to fix it. **Let me know what works and what doesn't otherwise.**

On a different note, I think someone should do a Sarah and Chuck with the CIA Psychologist. Only go in depth. It would be like an "In Treatment" episode with them.

Let me know if you want to try it.

Chapter Two

Say Hello Goodbye

**Partner Therapy Session, CIA Facility outside LA:**

"Why do you always trivialize it? You shot me…in the heart. You actually pulled the trigger. You always make it sound as if it was nothing more than…I don't know …adultery."

"I didn't want to, Chuck. How many times do we have to do this? I tried to kill myself after I shot you. I did not want to go on living. But my orders were specific. I was not supposed to wait or talk with you or hesitate in any way. I was told that it was important for national security.

"Sarah, try to see what Chuck is saying here. He thought your relationship, the feelings that you had for one another counted for some amount of trust."

She turned away from Chuck to look at Dr. Carter, the psychologist in charge of Chuck and Sarah's counseling. "I do trust Chuck but I had orders."

"Chuck, you have to realize that a CIA agent has gone through intensive training all geared toward making sure they follow orders to the letter. On top of that Sarah has been with the CIA for a number of years and so the training has become instinctual."

Dr Carter had been seeing the two for four sessions now. He was worried that they were not progressing past this central issue. He knew they were to keep the therapy isolated to just the events of the shooting but Dr. Carter had come to believe that there might be other issues involved. Issues involving Sarah Walker's past. At least Chuck needing a reference point to understand Sarah's point of view. That session would be an interesting one to hold that is if he could get permission to discuss her background in front of Chuck.

He looked at the two seated on his couch. Both were dressed in jeans. Chuck wore a button down brown shirt not tucked in. Sarah wore a red form fitting top. Her hair hung loosely past her shoulder. They sat about a foot away from each other. Dr. Carter thought that they didn't want to be to close for fear of rejection but was not ready to move further away.

Sarah's blonde hair contrasted with the brown leather couch. The room itself was nondescript with lots of earth tones and not much else. Not even a diploma hung on the wall. This was a CIA facility and unless you knew what the room was for there was no way of telling. He sat in a matching leather chair on the other side of a mahogany coffee table.

Dr. Carter liked that they made a lot of eye contact with each other. They still had a link.

Sarah had openly said that she wanted the two to move in together and that that would force them back to a position of trust.

Chuck had confided to Dr. Carter that he was not comfortable with Sarah and him sharing a place. He just didn't feel comfortable alone with her.

"So Chuck, we talked about this last week. You and Sarah getting a place together. You were supposed to think about it this week and let us know you're decision."

"Sarah, you don't know how much I would like to go back to… before. But, between the nightmares and the nagging pain I feel from the bullet wound, I am always reminded of it. I guess what it really comes down to is this. Let's say we get an apartment and move in together. No, better yet, let's say we get married.

Sarah expression showed surprise, hopeful surprise.

Then let's say that Director Graham calls you up with the order to kill Bartowski. What would you do?"

"That's not fair Chuck." Her fearful expression said clearly what she would do.

"You see, Sarah that is fair because with you that is unfortunately a real concern for me. If I were to marry some random girl off the street, I wouldn't have to worry about whether she might have to kill me. Unless I can get rid of this." He pointed to his head. It is not out of the realm of possibility that you might get that order again."

Chuck waited for Sarah to put up some kind of argument and then seeing that she was not going to he finished. "No, I don't want to move in together. It's not to hurt you Sarah. I just remember your eyes and frankly, I would be afraid."

_Finally, there it is. Dr. Carter thought_. _It's now out in the open. This will either end it or we start the road to recovery._

Sarah looked at Chuck and began to reach for his hand but stopped when she saw him flinch. "You're saying you don't want to get back together?"

"No, Sarah. I'm saying I don't think I **can** get back together. It has nothing to do with what I want. I don't know why that is so hard for you to understand given the circumstances."

Sarah's eyes were red but she shed no tears. She had shed so many over the last 6 months. She finally looked up from her hands to Chuck. "I didn't see this coming. I guess I'm the one who was naïve in the end."

Chuck looked to Dr. Carter. "What happens now?"

"That depends on you two. If you want to keep coming to these sessions for a few more weeks I know the CIA will sanction it. But that's your call. I am inclined to think there might be some good come form it."

"I don't know what else there is to say. I need to have that question answered, you know whether she would do it again. And unless she can honestly say no, I can't say yes."

"Graham gave me this time to try to work things out as a favor given the situation but I guess as things stand." She hesitated hoping Chuck would change his mine. "I guess there's nothing for me to do but go back to DC and report to work."

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The next morning Sarah was packed. She had accumulated more stuff on this assignment than any other. She knew that over time she had come to believe that it might not end.

As she got into her car she dialed Chuck one last time to let him know she was leaving…and to say goodbye. It rang a number of times before going to voicemail. She knew he did not take the call. She went into her settings file and deleted speed dial number one.

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She received her next assignment, a relatively simple mission, most likely easing her back into the saddle so to speak. She had to bug and monitor a politician's home in an Eastern European nation.

She went about her work like always but there was something missing. She derived no satisfaction from it even when she was able to provide meaningful Intel back to her superiors.

She thought about calling Casey once just to check on everything but decided he would only scold her for her covert reason for calling.

So she went about her duties and tried hard not to think of LA or anyone living there. She tried hard every day.

She failed every day.

As part of her assignment she was to have daily contact with Art Graham. This was unusual but she knew that the CIA was keeping a close eye on her given what she had gone through.

"Agent Walker, are you alright?" Director Graham asked after a brief telephone update about two months into her new assignment.

"I'm fine sir. Why do you ask?"

"You just seem a bit down."

"Down, sir." Her voice showing some agitation. If you have a problem with my job performance, let me know. But don't concern yourself with my mood, please."

Alright, Walker. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Walker out."

Director Graham dialed his administrative assistant immediately. "Get me Dr. Carter out in LA."

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Chuck woke up the next morning, fixed a bowl of cereal and went over the latest proposal from the CIA or more officially the United States Government. If he agreed, he would receive a lump some payment of 1.2 million after taxes and a yearly stipend of 60 K for as long as he retained the intersect. Casey told him that it was obvious that CIA lawyers had found out about the incident and this was their way to clean up the mess.

As he was going over the report, his phone rang. It was Sarah. He thought about answering it but then thought that if he did it would just be another twenty four hours that his heart hurt. _No, it's time to start healing, he thought_. "Goodbye Sarah," he said as he laid his phone on the coffee table. "I hope life brings you what you most desire." He didn't stop to think about what he might be saying.

Three weeks later Chuck was looking at a bank receipt for one million two hundred and sixty thousand dollars. He had a business plan developed and was in the process of renting office space for his new company. He had given Big Mike two weeks notice and was in the last week of that notice.

Standing at the nerd herd counter he watched a pretty young brunette walk purposefully up to his counter.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"I hope so. I'm looking for a Call of Duty Focus Group. Not the amateurs. I mean the best in town. I've searched the papers and talked to other people and no luck. Can you help?"

"Best in town, huh," he said taking on a mercenary persona. "Well, you'll have to undergo a strenuous vetting process you know?"

"Vet away."

"Chuck Bartowski." He reached out his hand.

"Elizabeth Stone. Where do we do this?"

"Don't take this the wrong way but my bedroom this evening after I get off work."

Chuck and Elizabeth hit it off; she had just graduated from Clemson with an engineering degree. She moved out to LA to look for work in the huge computer industry there. Chuck hired her to do software testing for his new company. Although he could not afford to pay her much, he was able to get her a nice apartment cheap with some connections he had.

His involvement with Casey diminished until he rarely saw him. Casey made sure to check in with Chuck every Sunday morning just to make sure everything was OK.

Since the incident, now approaching nine months ago, the government had begun to use other intersect hardware although it was generally believed that Chuck had superior analytical abilities.

Chuck and Elizabeth spent every waking hour together either playing video games or writing code for video games. They developed a very close friendship. She subtly approached Chuck once about taking their friendship to the next level and was politely shot down. She never tried again.

And so it was on a Sunday morning just like all the other Sunday mornings that Chuck had seen come and go. He decided to go over to Casey's apartment and get their weekly pleasantries out of the way.

He knocked on the door and it pushed open just a bit. "Casey, its Chuck. Are you here?" He walked into the apartment and saw that all of the equipment was still out. He knew if Casey was leaving he would at least put the stuff away so it was less conspicuous.

Chuck pulled out his phone a dialed Casey's number. It went right to voicemail. He then walked into his bedroom.

He noticed it immediately. Blood on the white carpet. Lots of it too. Chuck pulled out his phone and called Director Graham for the first time since he had become involved with the CIA.

"No, there is no sign of him and the blood stain is huge."

"Don't worry Chuck I'll get another agent out there right away."

I don't need another agent out here to baby sit me. I want someone out here to find Casey." At that moment he knew who he needed. It felt like he was in a cave all of a sudden. "Get Sarah, I need Sarah here ASAP. If something's happened to Casey, Sarah will be the best person to help him."

"You mean Sarah Walker?"

"Of course I mean Sarah Walker, how many other Sarah's do we know?"

"Calm down Bartowski, I'll have to get a hold of her. I'm not even sure if she will come."

"Even though the statement shocked him, after thinking about it he said, "She will come. Just let her know Casey needs her."

Later that evening Chuck was getting out of the shower and Elizabeth was going over test data on the couch at Casa Bartowski. Chuck had told Elizabeth that Casey was missing and that he was expecting a woman over to help try to find him. So she knew that he was expecting company, if not tonight by tomorrow morning.

The door bell rang and Elizabeth jumped up to get it just as Chuck opened the bathroom door with a towel wrapped around him. He was that preoccupied with Casey.

As Sarah waited on the door to open she willed her heart rate to slow down. The door swung open and a pretty young brunette stood in the doorway appraising her.

"Who is it?" Chuck asked. "Is she a blonde?"

Elizabeth looked at her. "No, Black hair."

At that moment Chuck came into view with just the towel on and stood open mouthed looking at Sarah Walker with black hair.

Sarah looked at his attire then to the pretty young woman in the doorway, she shot Chuck a questioning look.

"No, Lizzy and I are just friends."

"It's your life. I don't care what you do." She stepped past Elizabeth and stood looking at Chuck with as close to no expression possible.

Chuck knew that that was in response to her being uncomfortable.

"I'll get dressed. You two introduce yourselves." He disappeared into his bedroom.

The two women stood staring at each other for a moment and then finally Elizabeth held out her hand towards Sarah. I'm Elizabeth Stone. I am… Well I work for Chuck."

"Sarah Walker."

"He's never mentioned you but I can tell you're the reason I can't get anywhere with him."

"Excuse me."

"You know. Boyfriend Girlfriend thing…sex. I've tried and failed. She looked at Sarah from head to toe and back. "Now I know why."

Even though she had tried to steal herself for this task, she felt excited that Chuck had turned down this attractive young woman's advances.

"Ok, ladies. I'm assuming you've introduced yourselves. Elizabeth, what you don't know is that Sarah is in law enforcement. I've asked her to help us find Casey. The police won't do anything because I'm not a relative and they don't see any foul play."

"I don't understand. How is Sarah going to help if the police have to wait?"

"Sarah's jurisdiction is a little larger than the local police."

"I see." Elizabeth knew Chuck wasn't telling her the whole story.

"Chuck, can I talk to you alone for a second?" Sarah said seriously. They moved to his bedroom and closed the door. He couldn't help it, seeing Sarah in the same room where she had shot him the last time they were here together. It gave him the creeps. He tried to suppress a shiver but thought Sarah noticed it.

"What are you doing telling her I'm in law enforcement?"

"It's not a complete lie Sarah."

"No, it's too close to the truth."

"Look, you're not under cover here. There is no reason why you can't be Sarah Walker FBI."

"Ellie and Devon can't see me. I can't stay here."

"No, we'll have to use Elizabeth's apartment for a base of operations."

"Chuck, we can't involve her in this."

"She's already involved…plus we need her apartment. Look, I trust her with my life." He didn't really mean to say that. "Sarah, I didn't mean that like it sounded." He spoke to her back because she had turned and walked away.

She waited for him to join Elizabeth and herself. "Look, I want to get started so I can get out of here as soon as possible."

Elizabeth looked from Sarah to Chuck. It was clear that they shared a history. She knew enough to keep her mouth shut.

Sarah went to the door. Let's take a look at the apartment maybe I can find a clue to what happened. As she opened the door, there stood Ellie Bartowski holding two sacks of Groceries.

_Shit, why does this only happen with the Bartowski's?" she thought. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Chapter Three

The Search Begins

"Sarah, you and Lizzy go over to Casey's apartment and see what you can find. I need to talk with Ellie." Chuck said looking into Ellie's concerned face.

Ellie had walked into the apartment without saying a word. She kept looking from Sarah to Lizzy to Chuck. Sarah quickly grabbed Lizzy's arm and left the Bartowski apartment. They entered Casey's apartment.

Sarah walked over to the surveillance equipment and turned it on. She put on the headphones to listen in on Chuck's conversation.

"What is she doing back? I thought she was in some psychiatric hospital somewhere?"

"She was Ellie but she's out now. Everything's OK. I called and asked her to come. I need her help with something."

"Chuck, I can't imagine anything good coming from this. You and Lizzy…I thought maybe you two would…you know."

Chuck decided to be brutally honest with Ellie. "No, Ellie. That's not going to happen. Frankly, I can't see that ever happening to me again. What's it been? Close to a year now." He walked away from Ellie and stood looking out the picture window. "The truth is, Sarah burrowed into my heart and she's in so deep I can't get her out. I've tried…I just can't."

"She tried to kill you Chuck."

"Ellie, I need Sarah's help for awhile, I'm sure she'll leave shortly."

"What do you need her help with?" Ellie was clearly confused.

"I'm sorry sis, I can't' really say."

"Sarah's back for one minute and we have secretes again."

Sarah took off the headphones and threw them in the chair. She turned off the equipment and as she did Lizzy heard her say in whispered exasperation, "I need this like I need…" She trailed off realizing that Lizzy heard her. "You stay here; I want to take a look at the bedroom."

Sarah thought of Chuck's conversation with Ellie. There was a piece of her that was happy to hear Chuck say that he still loved her. But it was buried deep and was surrounded with so much pain and disappointment that it had little impact on her psyche.

She walked in and saw the large blood stain. Before taking a sample she looked around the carpet for other evidence. She found a clump of dirt with some vegetation stuck to it. She put it in a little plastic bag that she had for this occasion. She took some blood samples and put them in a separate bag. After searching the rest of the room she was satisfied she had not missed anything. She heard Chuck talking with Lizzy and went to join them.

"I have some samples I will have analyzed. We will know within twenty four hours if it's Casey's blood. You get everything smoothed out with Ellie?"

Chuck looked at her then at the surveillance equipment, "Not particularly, but I will deal with that."

Sarah nodded her head. "Give me Elizabeth's address and I will meet you there after I drop off these samples."

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Chuck and Lizzy spent a couple of hours in her apartment alone. For the first time since he had known her, it was uncomfortable. Just after settling in, Lizzy began to question Chuck about his relationship with Sarah.

"How long have you known her?"

"Almost three years. Lizzy I'd rather not talk about-"

Are you in love with her?"

Chuck was exasperated. He didn't want to talk about it but he knew Lizzy well enough to know she was not going to let it go. "Yes…but it is not going anywhere."

"Why not? Does she not love you?"

"I honestly don't know what she feels at this point and besides that, it wouldn't matter."

Lizzy was confused. "I don't understand. You just told me that you still love her and then you say it doesn't matter if she still loves you. What's going on?"

Chuck smiled at her but she saw that he was not happy. "Lizzy maybe one day I'll be able to tell you. But I can't say anymore right now. Please just leave it at that, OK?"

The rest of their time at her apartment was spent in relative quiet. Lizzy did not like to be put off. They heard a car pull into the drive and Chuck went to look out the picture window.

As Sarah walked into the apartment Chuck had to comment. "Well, a Ford Mustang, quite a come down from your last car."

"I didn't have time to have my car shipped here. Yeah, it's a piece of junk."

"I can't imagine what you thought riding around in the Nerd Herder all that time."

"I didn't mind."

They both realized at the same time that they had slipped into a normal conversation without the tension that had been ever present since the shooting.

Lizzy observed both become uncomfortable at the same time. Neither Chuck nor Sarah able to look the other in the eye.

"Hey, I'm starving. Let's get something to eat." Lizzy said.

As they were going for the door, Lizzy's phone rang. "Hello, Hi Mom. No, it's Ok. Hang on a minute." She looked at Sarah and Chuck and said, "You go on without me this will take at least an hour. Bring me back a sandwich."

Chuck knew that Lizzy was close to her mother and missed her terribly from their many conversations.

They walked to the mustang. Chuck got in the passenger side. "Where too?"

"Let's go somewhere nice. Less chance of running into someone we may know. Any place in particular you want to go?" Sarah said.

"Surprise me. I just want to eat and get word back from the lab."

She drove to a restaurant that Chuck had never been to before. As they were walking through the front door she noticed his odd expression. "What's the matter? Don't you like this place?"

"I don't know. I've never ate here before."

"Sure you have. We ate here a couple of times, I'm pretty sure." Then she remembered. That was Bryce. It was now about two and half years ago when they discovered Bryce was still alive. She wondered how things might have turned out for her and Chuck if she would have decided to go with Bryce. _Water under the bridge, Walker, she thought. _

Chuck new that he and Sarah had never been to this restaurant before. It reminded him that even when they were together she always had secretes. Even when she was supposed to be in love with him, she could never confide in him.

They took their seats in a darker section of a smaller dining area. Chuck looked at her for the first time very closely.

She noticed.

He tried to keep things light. "So what did you like here?" he asked trying to sound like what he thought the old Chuck sounded like.

She noticed and smiled inwardly. There was something about Chuck that always made her smile. She thought about Bryce. With him, everything was a big adventure. But during the down time there was nothing they had in common unless you count the sex. She thought about how good they were in that department. It was explosive. She thought about her and Chuck. Less explosive but more intimate. Something that could last through the years. She then remembered how she and Bryce were great at first but not as great as time went along. She wondered how it would have been with Chuck over time.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

She looked up from her imaginings into Chuck's earnest face and was immediately embarrassed. "Just thinking about what I want to eat."

"Sarah, if it's not out of line, What have you been doing since…" he trailed off.

"Chuck, you know I can't talk about that."

"Oh, come on Sarah. I don't have to have the details. Just generally speaking have you been in a lot of danger. Has it been satisfying? You been protecting other assets? "How have you been since…?"

Sarah looked at Chuck, really looked at him. She studied one eye then the other. Then the lines on his face. The way his lips curled up. She thought they used to curl up more. She then realized that they did.

"I've been…OK," she said. She let out an amused sigh. "No, I'm not doing anything noteworthy anymore. I'm as close to being benched while still being in the field as it gets."

"I'm sorry. I know how much you love field work."

"It's OK. It doesn't matter."

Chuck was about to reply when the waiter appeared. They ordered Mexican and beer. The conversation was more strained after the interruption.

Finally, "What about you? I thought about calling Casey to see how everything was going but realized he wouldn't tell me anything so I didn't.

He was pleased to know she thought about him. "I'm starting my own business. I have two employees. Lizzy and Morgan."

"Where is Morgan?"

He's in Oregon, making some relationship building calls. He's our sales force at the moment."

"It's hard to imagine Morgan in a professional position."

"He was created for this job. He's great." Chuck laughed thinking about his best buddy.

Sarah didn't want to bring it up but couldn't help herself. "How is your chest? Is there any pain still?"

"Not from the bullet." He groaned inwardly. "I'm sorry. I… I shouldn't have said that."

Sarah smiled that sad smile that Chuck had not seen before her return. "It's OK. I shouldn't have asked the question."

Since they were hitting taboo subjects he thought I might as well go right to the top. "Sarah, you ever think about quitting? The CIA I mean?"

"No." She lied. _If I do quit I can never let him know. It just wouldn't be fair. We had our chance. Some things are not meant to be. She thought as she watched the food being placed in front of them. _

The meal was good and Sarah enjoyed the time with Chuck. She was glad that they got the hard questions out of the way and now could concentrate on finding Casey. They ordered a Rueben to go, Chuck insisted it was Lizzy's favorite and they left the restaurant.

When they got back, Lizzy was miffed. "It took you three hours to get lunch?"

"I'm sorry Lizzy, Sarah and I had some catching up to do and the time got away from us. I did bring you a sandwich. It's a Reuben."

Somewhat appeased by her favorite sandwich, she was not in the mood to let either one of them off lightly. "It's gonna take more than a sandwich to make up for this," she said teasingly.

Sarah looked up at her noticing the flirting tone in her voice. After a moment she looked back to the magazine she was thumbing through.

Look, I need to go get my laptop. I'll be right back," Chuck said as he shot a look to Sarah. "You two'll be OK until I get back?"

"Sure." They both answered in unison without looking up.

Sarah continued to look at her magazine until she heard Chuck's car start. She then looked at Lizzy who was already staring at her.

"Just so you know, I've decided that I am not going to make this easy for you. You might have been here first but Chuck and I are very close. I intend to have him." Lizzy said seriously.

Sarah wanted to say that she was not standing in the way but the competitor in her took over. "We'll see." She went back to her magazine. Chuck was gone for over an hour and there was not one word spoken during that time.

Once Chuck returned, he and Lizzy worked on programming issues and went over test data. Occasionally, Sarah would catch Lizzy sneak a look her way. She was becoming agitated with the coy little smile on Lizzy's face.

They ate supper in and continued to work. Sarah noticed how excited they became when they overcame a technical issue. She realized that Chuck could never share her work life with her. It brought a melancholy mood with it.

The evening wore on and finally Lizzy yawned and said she was ready for bed. Chuck had not thought about the sleeping arrangements until then.

"How are we going to do this? We've got one bed one couch and the three of us.  
How about you girls take the bed and I'll take the couch."

Lizzy's apartment was small with the bedroom and the living room seperated by only air.

"No." The girls said in unison. "Look it's clear to me that you two have shared a bed in the past. You take the bed and I will take the couch." Lizzy said.

Sarah gave her an appraising look. _How is that going to win Chuck? she thought_.

"Uh, well I'm not sure that…well I mean-"

"Come on Chuck, it's not like we haven't done this before. Besides, we're just sleeping."

"Chuck, you've got some pajamas in the closet." Lizzy looked at Sarah to make sure she knew that Chuck had spent the night in her apartment.

Fifteen minutes later everyone was in bed, the lights were out and the apartment was quite.

Chuck heard Sarah's breathing as she lay close to him. He felt the bed move as she did. The bed was just a full size bed. There was only enough for two people if you didn't mind sleeping close together. Even though he tried not to he could not help but think of how soft Sarah was and she was right there. All he had to do was reach out his hand. He lasted about two hours before sleep took him. He could tell Sarah had gone to sleep early on.

They woke up in each other's arms. Opening their eyes in unison, they froze. He had forgotten just how blue her eyes were.

She had forgotten just how much she missed his face. It was his mouth. She loved the expressiveness of his mouth. It told her right at this moment that he was embarrassed.

She was too. But then she heard Lizzy in the kitchen. She would have had to have see them. It brought a smile to her face. She shifted her focus back to Chuck. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Neither did I," he said trying to extricate his right arm from underneath her body. As he pulled his arm away from her he felt her and closed his eyes to feel every last touch to its fullest.

Sarah got out of bed quickly and joined Lizzy in the kitchen. Right now, she preferred her company to the embarrassment of meeting Chucks gaze. Lizzy shot her daggers. "Sleep well?" she said.

"Very, thank you."

Chuck was oblivious and went to take a shower.

The two women drank coffee in silence while Chuck could be heard in the shower. "Why don't you join him in the shower too? Saves time and water."

"Look, Lizzy." Sarah had had enough. "Put up with me for a few days, a couple of weeks at most and I will be gone. Chuck and I are a thing of the past."

"It didn't look that way seeing you cuddled up in bed together."

"Why were you so quick to take the couch then?"

"I knew Chuck would be more comfortable sleeping with you than with me. I just know how he is."

Sarah saw that she was being honest. "Look, Chuck is a great guy. Hang in there. Who knows, maybe it will work out for you."

"If he's such a great guy why are you giving him up? It's clear to me that you can have him anytime you want."

"Really, what would you say if I said the last time I saw him I wanted to move in together and he shot me down?"

"I would say that after watching him around you, I find that hard to believe."

"It's true. Look, I had my chance with him. I blew it. It really is over."

Lizzy's mood brightened just in time for Chuck to emerge from the bathroom.

Sarah was next followed by Lizzy. While Lizzy was still in the shower, Sarah received a phone call about the lab analysis.

"Chuck, it's Casey's blood. I had a soil sample analyzed as well. Odd thing about that is that it's from Alaska. I know Casey has a vacation spot up there." She got up and stood looking out the big front window. She turned around decisively and said, "Get your clothes packed. We're taking a trip."

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**CIA Director Grahams Office**

"Their on their way now. It's going to be tight. It's late in the season but their expecting six to eight inches. That will snow them in if they don't stay ahead of it. It's a very remote region. Very well. Keep me appraised." The Director hung up the phone.

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Sarah was at the controls of a small Cessna looking for a grass landing strip in northern Alaska. "Chuck, it should be to the right. Let me know when you spot it?"

Lizzy had watched Sarah ever since talking off in Anchorage. The expression on her face clearly showed that she could not compete with this. It said what can't this beautiful woman do? She watched Chuck riding copilot. He was clearly used to relying on her in this type of situation.

"There it is. There, right over there," Chuck said excitedly.

Sarah did not tell her passengers what a dangerous situation they had just averted. It was getting dark and without landing field lights they would not have found the runway. To make matters worse they did not have the fuel to make it back to Anchorage.

They had a Range Rover waiting for them and within thirty minutes were driving the approximate twenty miles to Casey's cabin.

As they pulled into the driveway, if that's what you could call it, it began to snow.

"Great." Sarah said. "Hold on," calling out to Lizzy. "Don't go in there. I want the chance to look around first. You and Chuck wait out here."

"Is this the kind of stuff you did in the past with Sarah? Because this is…something."

Chuck looked at Lizzy and chuckled. "Yeah it is. This is what Sarah does. Sometimes not quite as exciting and sometimes more exciting." Chuck stole a look into the cabin before continuing. "I couldn't compete with her job. And, her job was sometimes very confidential which doesn't build a lot of trust within a relationship. I couldn't ask her to quit although that's what I wanted."

Lizzy was quiet, taking it all in. Just as she seemed ready to speak Sarah opened the door, "Come in. I didn't find anything but maybe this business card. It appears to be from a pawn shop in Miami."

"What would Casey need a pawn shop in Miami for?" Chuck asked.

"He wouldn't as far as I know. It might be something or it might not be."

As the three of them walked into the cabin it was clear that it was not built for creature comforts. It was a single one room cabin with a fireplace and wood stove for warmth. A single bed by the fireplace and a huge bearskin rug in front of the wood burner.

Sarah locked eyes with Lizzy. She was offering Lizzy her shot at the bed with Chuck. Sarah watched Lizzy's eyes go from hope to fear. She finally shook her head indicating she would take the rug.

"We might as well get some sleep. I hope it doesn't snow all night. Chuck I guess we got the bed."

Chuck looked at the bed then at the huge rug. "Sarah, why don't we take the rug? It's much bigger." He didn't have to tell Sarah that it might avoid an embarrassing moment upon waking up.

Everyone agreed and they settled into their respective sleeping areas. Chuck and Sarah were both in cotton pajamas and went to sleep with their backs to each other.

Sarah awoke the next morning in the same position that she went to sleep with. When she opened her eyes she saw Lizzy looking at her accusatorily.

It was then that she felt it. She closed her eyes and just thought about how great this feels. After a few seconds, she opened them to see Lizzy again. "Chuck," she said.

"Chuck, you're squishing me."

"What." He said it while still not fully awake. When he opened his eyes he saw that he had Sarah captured by his left arm and had pulled her body in close to his.

"Do you mind?" She said pulling away from him.

Sarah stood up and looked down at Chuck. He looked great waking up in the morning.

"I hope we brought food cause it looks like we're going to be here awhile." Lizzy said.

Sarah ran to the door of the cabin and flung it open. She turned around, looking from one of her cabin mates to the other. "Well it looks like we're gonna be here for a few days. _And nights she thought._


	4. Chapter 4

Mature content.

Chapter Four

The Search Continues

She awoke to his hand caressing her naked skin. It started at her belly button and then began a slow, wonderful, circular, sensuous climb to her breasts. _God, don't stop, she thought._

It had been too long since she had felt Chuck's touch. She realized they were both naked on the bear skin rug. She sighed when his hand reached its destination. She reached for his mouth with hers and captured it hungrily. She responded with her own hand on his chest moving slowly downward. She closed her eyes to memorize every sensation of his body. She felt his skin so smooth and the hair on his abdomen, fine and soft. She loved how he felt to her. As her hand continued on its journey, his hair became thicker and courser. Then she found the object she was searching for. A soft moan escaped her lips as she held him in her hand.

_To hell with foreplay, she thought as she pushed her body under him. _She wanted him. She needed him. She needed him to need her. As their bodies merged, she sucked in her breath and held it until she was in sync with his rhythm. She tried to memorize just how he felt at every contact point of their dancing bodies. She vocalized her pleasure again and realized that Lizzy was in the same room. She overcame her initial shock. Somehow knowing that she might be listening made it even more sensual.

Chuck moved to whisper something in her ear. She couldn't make out what it was. She looked at him, puzzled, and he leaned down again.

"Are you alright Miss?" The flight attendant was gently shaking her shoulder.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Sarah looked around at the other passengers in first class. They all looked at her. Most had knowing smiles on their faces.

"I'll have what she's having," an older lady said to the amusement of all.

Except Sarah.

She was so glad that Chuck and Lizzy had to stay in coach. If Chuck would have been here to see this she would have died.

As the atmosphere in the compartment went back to normal, she realized where she was and where she was going.

"Attendant, she said. Can you bring someone up here form coach? I will only be five or ten minutes. I just need to speak with him."

The attendant looked hesitant for an instance but then said, "Sure, what seat number?"

"Chuck Bartowski in 37A."

In a few moments Chuck came into the first class, looked around, spotted Sarah and walked to her. She reached out her hand taking his and pulled him into the empty seat next to hers.

As he sat down, he noticed everyone staring at him with funny little smiles on their faces. He heard one man say to the man seated next to him 'Lucky guy.'

"Chuck, I've got us reservations at the Best Western in South Miami. It is just across the street from this Pawn Shop on 124th street." She whispered softly in his ear.

He noticed that most of the passengers were stealing looks at him and smiling. "What's up with everyone up here?" he asked looking around the compartment and interrupting her.

"I don't know," she said ignoring them. "Look, when we get to the hotel I want to go over and scout the place out by myself."

"I don't like that idea, Sarah. What if there are a bunch of bad guys there? I should go with you. I promise to stay in the car. But I should at least watch your back or better yet, we go in as a couple looking for wedding rings. That's a great cover."

"Maybe. The thing is without Casey here, I want you to play it safe. No heroics.

I just don't want you getting hurt."

Chuck looked at Sarah. He smiled at the contradiction that was Sarah. He knew she did not get the irony of her statement.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, sometimes random statements just strike me as odd. Look, I better get back. The attendant is giving me a dirty look."

"OK, if we get separated I'll meet you at the Hertz counter." She watched Chuck leave. She thought about what she had said that had caused Chuck to give her that wry smile. Then it hit her. She didn't want Chuck to get hurt. She looked at the ceiling of the plane. _He will never understand, she thought._

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They checked into the hotel. Sarah had made reservations for three rooms. When they got to the third floor, they found there were two adjoining rooms and one room across the hall. Sarah tried again to give Lizzy the olive branch by letting her have the adjoining room with Chuck.

"No, I can't take this room. Someone has smoked in here. I hate the smell of cigarette smoke." Lizzy was OK with the room across the hall from Chuck.

Sarah watched Lizzy close the door to her room before walking into her own room. Her instincts told her something wasn't right. She just couldn't understand what it was. _Lizzy's got a lot to learn how to fight for a man, she thought._

Chuck knocked on the door separating his and Sarah's rooms. He walked in after she opened her side. "You want to go over there right now? I just can't help but think that time might be running out for Casey."

"I don't see any reason to wait, she said. I want Lizzy to stay here."

"I'm not waiting here all by myself. I wanna go too. I won't get in the way." Lizzy stood in Chuck's doorway with an adamant expression.

"Sarah, let's all go over there. Lizzy and I will look for wedding rings while you case the joint. What can go wrong?"

Against her better judgment, she acquiesced.

As the threesome left the Best Western, Lizzy grabbed Chuck's hand. "OK, boss if we're gonna do this, we better sell it, don't you think." She shot Sarah a smile that was meant to aggravate.

It did.

But besides that there was something just beyond her consciousness that wasn't right. Her instincts told her that something was wrong but she could not put her finger on what was bothering her about Lizzy.

They walk into the pawn shop and as scripted, Chuck and Lizzy browsed through the ring sections while Sarah kept a lookout for anything suspicious.

It seemed like a normal pawn shop. Nothing that she noticed out of the ordinary. The store attendant was just a young kid.

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"Would you look at that?" Bryce Larkin turned to his partner who was asleep. "Hey, wake up. Things just got a bit more interesting." Carina woke up from a nap. "It better have for you to wake me up. I don't have a clue why you asked for me on this boring assignment."

"Carina, I just saw Sarah Walker and Chuck Bartowski walk into the pawn shop we've been monitoring."

Carina sat up with a big smile on her face. "Sarah and Chuck here. This might be fun after all."

After watching the shop for a number of minutes, Bryce spoke up. "Here they come. Let's see where they go."

"Who's the third wheel?"

"Your asking me? Come on."

Sarah, Chuck and Lizzy went into Chuck's room to plan their next move.

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"Do you have any rooms?"

"Yes sir."

"Well, actually we're expecting some friends to show up here later on tonight…Chuck Bartowski and Sarah Walker. Have they checked in yet?" Corina said.

"Yes."

"What are their room numbers?"

"I'm not allowed to give out that information-"

"You see, they're really good friends of ours and we really want to surprise them," Carina said as she reached across the counter to fix the male attendants collar. Be a gem and let us have the numbers."

"Oh, um, I guess it wouldn't hurt anything… 303 and 301 is where they are staying."

"Would you have a room nearby?"

"307 is available. If you don't mind smoking?"

Carina grabbed his collar again and pulled his face just inches from her own. "Do I look like I mind smoking?" She finished with a quick nibble at his noise.

They left for their room with Carina laughing. "This little side show might salvage this mission after all."

Bryce and Carina went into their room undetected. He turned to her and said, "OK, this is how we're gonna play this. I've waited some time to get a crack at Bartowski."

"So have I," she said nonchalantly. "Just don't hurt him. I need him functional."

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"Sarah, I really don't see why you're still playing the role of protector with me. It's crazy after everything that's happened.

"Look Chuck, I'm the professional, I know what I'm doing. I just don't want you getting hurt. I've figured out that you think that's funny… but it's not. If I have a say in what happens to you...I don't want you getting hurt."

Chuck didn't know what to say. He was agravated but what she said he understood. But right now, he didn't want to let go of his anger. It felt good. He turned for his room and slammed the door behind him.

It took a second for it to register. But there she was, all six foot of leggy spy.

"Carina? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question? I'm on an authorized mission. Are you?" She moved to stand uncomfortably close. And not waiting for an answer smashed her open lips all over his. Her lipstick was smeared above and below his lips. She finally stopped with the knock on his door.

Chuck tore himself away from Carina's grasp and practically ran to open the door.

"Lizzy, hi, come in. This is Carina, a friend of Sarah's."

Carina walked over to Lizzy. "Lizzy huh, a friend of Chuck's or Sarah's?"

"Chuck's."

Carina looked to Chuck. "Is she?.."

"Lizzy is a very good friend of mine. That's all." He said hoping that would shut her up.

"What's going on Chuck? Who is this woman?" Lizzy said with puzzled expression.

"Lizzy, like I said this is a friend of Sarah's…OK?" He looked at her and by his expression told her to shut up."

"OK, but who is the man in Sarah's room?"

"What?" Chuck ran to the dividing door and knock on it. The door swung open after a brief pause and Sarah in an angry voice. "What?"

Chuck walked past her to see his old buddy Bryce standing in the middle of her room with her lipstick all over his face.

"I see it didn't take long for you two to get reacquainted."

"The lipstick's not mine Chuck but neither is the lipstick on your face." She shot a smoldering look to Carina who just smiled.

"I, uh, well I. Look, I didn't kiss her she kissed me."

"By the looks of it she kissed you for what, at least a minute? I suppose you're gonna tell me you just couldn't pull away from her."

"Why would he want too?" she said rubbing it in.

"Let's not change the subject. Do you really expect me to believe that that lipstick on Bryce's face isn't yours?"

I don't care what you believe. I'm just telling you the facts."

Chuck looked hesitant. That's when Bryce stepped in. "Well, Chuck. I see you're not satisfied with stealing my former girlfriend now you're going after my current girlfriend." Bryce stepped toward Chuck expecting him to back away.

He did not.

"Bryce, first of all Chuck did not steal you away from me. I made the decision on my own. I chose Chuck." Sarah looked at Chuck and she saw the slow smile develop that she just loved... She turned back to Bryce,"You and Carina?"

"Chuck, are you saying my girlfriend's a slut?" Bryce said ignoring Sarah.

Sarah felt compelled to protect Chuck. "Bryce we all know about Carina."

Carina smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

"And we all know what kind of slut you are too, Sarah." Bryce shot back angerly.

At that, Chuck didn't think he just acted. Grabbing Bryce by the shoulder and turning him to face himself, Chuck caught him with a perfectly timed right cross knocking him on his ass.

"Where'd you learn that Chuck? Bryce was sitting down holding his jaw with a slight smile on his face. "If you're not out of my sight before I get up, you're gonna be sorry."

"That's not going to happen either." Sarah looked at Carina. "You have any skin in this game?"

"No, I'm just enjoying the show."

Sarah looked back to Bryce. "Now get up and get out. Just leave us alone and we'll leave you alone."

Bryce walked out with Carina pampering him as he went. He shot Chuck a look that said watch your back.

When the door was closed, Lizzy who had been quiet during the whole episode went up to Chuck. "What was that all about?" I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Did you see the way you hit him? I've never seen you get mad before let alone hit someone."

"Well, I didn't like the way he was talking about Sarah."

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about that punch."

"She's right. It wasn't half bad." Sarah said as she gave him an appreciative smile. She thought it was gallant of him.

"What's up with you guy's? There's clearly some history," Lizzy said.

"Lizzy, they're people that work with Sarah and that's all I can say about it. Their work is sometimes very sensitive."

Lizzy was exasperated but knew she would get nowhere with Sarah. She hadn't ingratiated herself with her lately.

"What do we do now, Sarah?" Chuck said changing the subject.

"I don't know. I didn't see anything at the pawn shop that was the least bit suspicious. What is suspicious is that Bryce and Carina are down here at the same time we are." She looked at him. "I don't know about you but I didn't buy that Bryce Carina thing. Did you?"

"Yeah, I can see that, actually." he said it as he was walking toward his room with Lizzy.

Sarah frowned for just a second. "Oh, Chuck?"

"Yeah."

"Leave the door open to our rooms tonight."

"Protecting me again?"

"No, I'm scared and I want you close by," she deadpanned.

Chuck left the door open.

Sarah heard Chuck and Lizzy talking in his room. She wanted to listen in on their conversation but didn't because he was not her mission and it was his privacy.

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"So Sarah is some kind of super bad fighting instrument like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon?" Lizzy asked.

"I don't know about that but it would take five or six regular guys to get the best of her."

"Chuck," Sarah said from the other room. "Use caution in there."

He smiled to himself.

Lizzy left after a while and both Chuck and Sarah got ready for bed. It was warmer in South Miami than what he was used to and the air conditioning struggled to keep up with mother nature. Chuck wore his pajama bottoms only.

Sarah was already in bed when she noticed his attire. "Chuck," she called.

He came into her room. She noticed his defined muscles. It reminded her of the wet dream she had on the plane. Looking back up to his face and mentally adjusting her breathing she said, "We need to understand why we're here. This may be a dead end. You know the more time that goes by without word, the more likely something bad has happened to Casey. He's like me. We have enemies. His might have caught up with him."

The sheet had fallen down to her midriff as she sat up to talk. He saw her beautifully shaped shoulders, her muscular arms. Her breast were for the most part hidden beneath a flimsy cotton pull over night shirt. As he looked at her form, he realized how much he still ached to be with her.

She saw that he was taking her in. In the past she could always tell what he was thinking. He was an open book to her. Now, she didn't have a clue. He might have been thinking that he wanted her now or he might have been thinking that it was the smartest thing he ever did refusing to move in with her. It made her sad to think she had lost that connection to him.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she said not believing she was opening herself up like this.

"Oh, I was just thinking that if it is really that dangerous around here. Maybe I should let you protect me from your bed." He looked seriously for moment then turned toward his room. As he walked, she kept saying to herself. _Let him go. Let him go._ She watched him until he was out of sight. She realized that she hadn't breathed. Taking that deep breath, she wondered what had just happened. She longed to be able to read him like a book again.


	5. Chapter 5

I thought I would throw in just a little more angst.

Chapter Five

Sarah's Night with Chuck

Sarah awoke with a start. She listened intently for whatever had alerted her. Her chest rose and fell at least five times before she realized what it was. In the other room, Chuck's room, she heard a call for help. She was on her feet, gun in hand and charged into his room expecting- she didn't know what.

Chuck was in bed apparently asleep. Then she heard him and it was all she could do not to fall to her knees.

"Sarah no…Please don't," he cried out.

She walked up to him and clearly saw the anguish on his face. She wondered if this was a nightly occurrence. She had wanted to spend the rest of her life in Chuck's bed at night. It was ironic that it seems that by shooting him, she was. Only it was by way of his nightmares. For the first time since she left Chuck for her new assignment, she had tears streaming down her face. She jerked involuntarily as he called out her name again.

There was a knock on his door. She saw that Lizzy was outside. She opened the door to see Lizzy's concerned face.

"He's having that nightmare again isn't he?"

Sarah didn't answer but walked back to his bed. Lizzy followed and stood beside her.

"Sarah don't."

"Oh my God," Lizzy said. "I never put it together. You're THE Sarah. You haunt him." She reached down and grabbed his shoulder and gently shook it. "It's OK, Chuck. This is Lizzy. Everything's OK." She looked back at Sarah with intense anger in her eyes.

"What did you do to him?"

Sarah could not meet her eyes. The accusation in them was honest and right. Sarah had nothing to defend herself with. "I can't talk about it."

"This happens almost every night, Sarah. He spends a couple or three nights a week at my apartment. I have to do this every night. Sometimes it's much worse than this. I've seen him cry in his sleep?… You ever see anyone cry in their sleep?"

Sarah could not reply and she could not run away. She thought that she deserved this. Because of her, Chuck relived that awful night, every night.

"Have you honestly met anyone…**anyone** as good as Chuck?

Sarah weakly shook her head from side to side.

"I haven't either. I don't know what you did to him. I can't imagine." Lizzy's voice began to falter.

"And what kills me is that if you asked him to he would leave with you tonight, and never look back. I've never seen anyone love as deeply as Chuck and it just isn't right that the person he chose to love is YOU." Lizzy stormed out of the room crying.

Sarah watched her go. She went to the door and closed it gently, then walked back to Chuck's side. She gazed at his face now seemingly at peace, tears running off her cheeks. She thought that if given the same order, could she now disobey. She started crying more. She didn't think so.

She gently moved his curls out of his face. She had been longing to do this since she saw him again.

Suddenly anger swept over her. If she could have put her hands on the Fulcrum agent that tricked her into shooting Chuck she would kill him so fast. No… She would torture him slowly like he has done to her…and to Chuck. _That man ruined my life_, she thought as she went back to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The Way Home

"Bryce, come on. That's bullshit and you know it." Sarah looked from Bryce to Carina then back to Bryce.

"Look Sarah, I can't give you any details. This is confidential. I'm sorry."

"Are you? Somehow I get the feeling that you're enjoying this. She took a deep breath. "I didn't want to tell you but Casey's missing and Chuck and I are trying to find him. It's sanctioned."

"You're trying to get me to help you find Casey of all people. I think I'll sit this one out thank you."

"Carina, come on. Casey wouldn't turn his back on you if you were in trouble."

For the first time Carina turned serious. "Bryce, get me a coffee?"

"If you want me to leave just say so."

"Leave," she said not taking her eye off of Sarah.

Bryce threw down the hotel coaster he had been playing with and stormed out of the hotel room.

"Sarah, I can't tell you much because I don't know much but what do you want to know?"

"We found this business card in Casey's cabin in Alaska. I don't know if it has anything to do with his disappearance or not." Sarah let Carina take it from her hand. Chuck asked me to help with this but I'm starting to think that Casey is beyond help. It will tear Chuck up."

Carina looked at the card for a second. "You really have it bad for him don't you?"

"Casey? No."

"Not Casey, Chuck."

"Let's focus on the case here Carina."

"Bear with me." Carina smiled that wicked smile of hers.

Sarah had seen it many times before. But, she also trusted Carina's instincts and something told her to follow her lead."

"Alright, I still have feeling for Chuck but in case you didn't know it, he is no longer with the company and I have been reassigned. So this is temporary."

"You have feelings for him, or you're so in love with him you can barely stand from your weakened knees when he walks in the room?"

"Aren't you being overly dramatic?"

"Just tell me, which statement is closest to the truth."

Sarah picked up the coaster that Bryce had thrown on the coffee table and looked at it for a few seconds. "Weak knees is pretty close actually."

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it… Sarah, you're one lucky girl. I'm pretty envious. You know how many times I've tried to bed him down? Just to get under your skin. Well, I've lost count really but it's been a lot. Now I know why."

Carina smiled a genuine smile for Sarah. "Sarah Walker, you lucky girl."

"It's not like that Carina, we have some real issues. There's this thing between us that I don't think we'll ever get around."

"Oh come on Sarah. I can't think of anything that I wouldn't do to get the man I loved. That is. if I actually fell in love with a man."

"Really. OK let's say that you have found this guy. He's perfect. He's everything you ever wanted in a man."

"You're speaking of Brad Pitt right?"

"I'm serious, Carina."

OK, I've found this great guy. Now what?"

"Now you have orders that if you follow them, you know it will end it. What will you do?"

"Is he rich?"

"CARINA."

"Sorry." Carina composed herself, obviously thinking. "I guess that if I was ready to leave this life, I would disobey the order and go get my man. On the other hand if I loved my job more, then he isn't the right guy."

"You would really disobey an order?"

If it were a choice between my job or my man… I would make the decision. Yeah it's that simple."

Sarah was reeling, had she even considered not following her orders for even a split second. If not, why not. She was no robot. She had the option to at least look at the situation logically. The common sense test.

"Carina, I got to get back to the room. Do you have anything about Casey?"

I'm sorry Sarah. We're only looking for a low level drug mogul. I think Bryce only asked for me… well you know why."

Sarah smiled at her. "Yeah, I think I know why. Thanks Carina." As Sarah reached the door, Carina said, "Tell me you took advantage of Casey's bear skin rug?"

Sarah returned the smile. "Define advantage."

Sarah left Carina's and Bryce's hotel room. Before going to her own she went downstairs to sit in the lobby for a while. She needed some alone time. Her sense of duty was fractured but not broken. She thought back to the time she received those orders. They were ligit from Langley or so she thought. Plus, if she would have refused someone else would have done the job. Maybe not as humanely. She recalled thinking all of these thoughts before she spent the rest of that day to mentally prepare for her last mission with Chuck. She knew how Chuck felt. That she had betrayed him. Then she thought back to last night, seeing him calling out her name in the midst of a recurring nightmare, it was all she could do not to break down sobbing in the middle of the lobby.

She composed herself for a moment, then went to the lobby counter.

"Any messages for Sarah Walker?"

"Oh, Miss Walker yes you have this message."

"Do you know when it came and how?"

"No, it was here when I started my shift this morning."

Sarah took the envelope and walked back to her hotel room. As she got in the elevator, she opened the envolope. Pulling out the contents she saw a single ticket for the Heat game tonight at 8:00 PM. There was nothing else in the envolope. "Guess we spend another night. She briefly thought it would be just like Bryce to pull a stunt like this. But then she discounted that idea. Not even Bryce was that stupid. She left the elevator and went to her room.

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Chuck sat in his room working on his laptop. He had good wireless reception and decided to take advantage and log in to his website. _Might as well get some work done," he said to himself_. He noticed Sarah walk into her room from her own door. He was about to go talk with her when he recieved an instant measage. _Who could this be, he thought._

_"_Chuck Bartowski, is that you?" The computer screen asked.

Chuck quickly looked up to see where Sarah was. "Yes, who is this?"

"This is Laslo... prove you're Chuck. What did I have in your car the last time we saw each other?"

"Are you referring to the bomb?"

"Hey, Chuck. How are you?"

"Have you escaped, Laslo?"

"No, but I found a way to hack out of here using a computer for humidity control."

"How ya been buddy?" Chuck said looking for Sarah over the top of his laptop.

"I'm on my medicine. Things are a lot better. Are you still on the outside or are being held for your own protection like me?"

"I've left the company. I've started my software company."

"Oh man, that sounds great. How about that super hot blonde you were with. Are you two still together?"

"We were for a while but things got a bit too complicated."

"No way. You gave up on that? The only woman I get to see is my cook, Gertrude Platt and she's 61 years old and bigger than I am."

"Sorry Buddy."

"Chuck, do you every see her?"

"As a matter of fact, I'm looking at her right now."

"Chuck, do me a favor. Whatever it takes. Whatever you have to do... Whatever complications you need to plough through to make it happen, just do it. If I had a chance at the life you have, there wouldn't be anything to stop me."

"I will...think about it."

"Chuck, gotta go. I think some pencil necked tecnician is on to me. Talk with you later."

Chuck turned off the computer and continued to peer over the top of the screen. He noticed that Sarah was getting ready to go somewhere. Like out on a date. He got up and went into her room.

"Sarah, what's up?"

"I'm going to the basketball game tonight." She showed him the ticket. "Was left at the front desk."

"I don't like this it could be a trap. I don't think it's a good idea you going alone."

"Only one ticket." Sarah acted nonchalant.

As she walked past him to go to her dresser, he grabbed her arm and spun her around. He saw the surprise on her face. "Just promise me you will take care. You don't know who sent that ticket."

She looked at his hand on her arm. She didn't notice when he grabbed her other arm with his free hand. "This is clearly a meeting. You don't try to kill or kidnap someone in front of twenty thousand people and a national TV broadcast."

He did not let go of her arms and in fact pulled her to him just a bit. "I'd forgotten what it was like to be afraid for you. Don't get yourself hurt. OK?"

_If he kisses me, I will kiss him back_, _she thougt_. Her eyes were locked on his. Clearly this was something she had not ecpected from him. She thought he was about to say something as he looked deeply into her eyes. When he didn't she said. "I will be very careful."

He just nodded his head, let go of her arms and walked back to his room.

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Chuck spent the next few minutes in his room trying to figure out what was going on with him. Did he do that becasue of Laslo or was it because of all this time spent with Sarah. Was it just the fact that he had never gotten over her. As he thought about her, his heart began to ache. This pain was not from the bullet wound.

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Sarah took a shower. She could not stop thinking about Chuck grabbing her. The way he looked at her and how he pulled her towards him. She thought about Carina's 'weak knees' comment. She had to admit that's what it is. But as excited as the encounter made her, she thought to a time when she would have to leave him again. If she continued to get closer it would just hurt more when she had to leave. Then she thought about what Carina said to her. That she would quit her job for the right man._ Is Chuck the right man?, she thought._ She laughed out loud. "You really have to ask that question?" She got ready for the game. She knew that she would not get a gun through security but she had a set of ceramic throwing knives. She would have at least that much protection. She did not expect to need it.

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Chuck and Lizzy waited together in his hotel room for Sarah's return. She saw that he was very anxious. It was clear to her what the score was. She had told Sarah last night that all she had to do was ask and he would do whatever she wanted. It was a puzzle to her why Sarah did not see that. Maybe she just didn't want to see it. She didn't know.

"Chuck, I know this is a touchy subject with you but I gotta know. You and Sarah. are you going to make a go of it."

Chuck looked at her without his normal smile. "Lizzy, I'm so confused right now. I mean, I know how I feel or I know how much it hurts not having her but...If you would have asked me just a few days ago, I would have said no. But now. I don't know." He looked away from her. "There's a lotta history between us and some of it is difficult to get around."

"Is that why you have nightmares?" She knew that he didn't know that she knew.

"You know about the nightmares? How?"

"Chuck, you scream out in your sleep. Almost every night. You did it last night."

"And Sarah saw it?"

"Yes."

He hung his head. "That had to hurt her."

"Her... **Her**, Chuck what about you?"

"Lizzy, you don't know what happened and I can't tell you but just trust me. I think she has been through as much as me. Maybe more."

"It's like I said to her last night. She doesn't deserve you." Lizzy got up to leave, tears in her eyes.

A/N I will try to get the next chapter on Thursday. Got something I've gotta do.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

A/N: I need to take a break for a while. But will finish this ASAP.

Chapter Seven

Wounds on the Mend

Sarah found her seat. She noticed that there was an empty seat beside her. She searched the nearby area for any faces she recognized. Not finding any, she kept her attention on the people coming down her row. She was thus occupied when she felt a poke to her arm.

At first she didn't recognize the Chinese woman smiling at her.

"Mei-Ling? What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Sarah Walker. I'm here to see you. I've got some information and I couldn't take a chance of someone spotting us talking. Just keep watching the floor."

"I don't understand. How did you know I was here?"

"I was an intelligence officer for twelve years. I have a few tricks up my sleeve." Mei-Ling smiled at her and then became serious. "I have some Intel you may find useful."

"I hope you have some information about the whereabouts of John Casey. That's what I'm working on right now."

"John Casey is in Indianapolis."

"Indianapolis? That's not really a hotbed of espionage activity."

"I don't think he's there in conjunction with his job. That's not to say he's not in trouble. I think he is. But I'm not sure what he's gotten himself into."

"Mei-Ling, I am so grateful that you shared this with me. Chuck. You remember Chuck? He's here with me and we're trying to find Casey together. He'll be very happy we have a good lead."

"The last I heard, you and Chuck were together. Is that right?"

"No. We split up a while back."

"Sorry. Did he break you heart or did you break his?"

"Truth is I think we broke each others hearts."

"I see you still love him. How does he feel about you?"

"He still loves me too."

Mei-Ling watched Sarah for a moment, and then returned her focus to the game. "It's you job isn't it?"

"Yes. You speak from experience I bet."

"I sure do. When I left China I also left a man back there. Our problem was my job and everything that I was asked to do for my country." She gave Sarah a knowing smile. "He didn't understand and I couldn't be open and honest with him, so…it just kind of slipped away. I've found someone else now but to tell you the truth it's not really fair to him. I will never love him like I loved 'my Chuck.' Sarah the decisions you make now will last the rest of your life. Keep that in mind. A lifetime of wondering _what if_ is a very long time."

"You understand the problem though. There are things that when I try to explain them to Chuck, he doesn't understand because he's not an agent."

"Sarah, when you look at the issue from my perspective. That doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that you loved and lost the love of your life. Will you love again…Maybe, but it won't be the same. Now is the only time you can change that."

"Mei-Ling, I can't just leave my job."

Mei-Ling looked at Sarah over the top of her sunglasses. "Are you really going to feed ME that line? I left my job and my country for my brother. All you need to do is think about whether Chuck is more important to you or your job."

Sarah was quiet for a while. Mei-Ling, Thanks for everything. I gonna get back. We need to get to Indianapolis as soon as we can get a flight out. I'll think about what you've said.

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An hour and a half later, Sarah opened the door to her hotel room. Chuck and Lizzy was in her room from Chuck's almost before she was.

"Well, what did you find out?"

"Where off to Indianapolis."

"Indianapolis. What's in Indianapolis?"

"Apparently John Casey."

"How did you find out?"

"Chuck." Sarah's expression told him he knew better than to ask.

"When do we leave?'

Everyone start packing right now. We'll leave as soon as I can get tickets.

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6:00 AM the next morning found Sarah dropping off the rental and the threesome running to get through security. Sarah went to the main security office and then was escorted through the security station. When she boarded the plan she notified the Captain of her status and that she carried a firearm. This always got her a seat in first class. This particular day both Chuck and Lizzy were allowed to sit with Sarah due to the low passenger count. Both Chuck and Lizzy took advantage of the free drinks. Sarah could not afford to be impaired so she drank tomato juice. Chuck noticed.

"Sarah, loosen up. Do you think it would kill you to relax a little bit?"

"Yes, when I'm working. I'm on an assignment. And although it doesn't seem as dangerous as most; the first thing I learned is that you cannot afford to relax. That's how you get dead."

"Yeah but Sarah, What's gonna happen here?" He looked around to prove his point. A 757 to Indianapolis.

Sarah let out a sigh. "Chuck, you don't know this but your ex girlfriend has a bit of a reputation among the people I work with."

Chuck sat up straighter to give Sarah his full attention. He knew this was an unusual topic for her to talk about. "OK."

"I have that reputation because I unfailingly do the things I'm required to do. I follow my training to the detail. Things other agents stop doing after two weeks. I keep doing. You know why? Because they will keep me alive." She hesitated for an instant. "The other part of that reputation is that I follow orders. She took a deep breath and then captured his eyes with hers. "You are painfully aware of the extent I will go to follow orders. So when the training manual tells me not to drink alcohol while on a mission, do you really think you're gonna talk me out of it."

"Well no. Not when you put it like that. I guess I wasn't thinking about you still-" He trailed off thinking about what she had said. She had tried to explain to him in the past why she pulled that trigger but he was unable to hear her. He looked to where Lizzy sat two rows up and on the other side of the aisle. She appeared to be asleep. Chuck sat in the aisle chair and Sarah sat next to him by the window. He was quiet for a moment.

"I'll bet you graduated at the top of your class?"

Well kind of." She hesitated.

"You were either at the top or you weren't."

"Oh I was at the top of my class alright." She shot him a quick almost ashamed smile. "Actually I've graduated at the top of all the classes. I have the record score still to this day."

It was a revelation to Chuck. He knew how important her job was to her but this spoke to her being driven to succeed to an extent that he frankly hadn't realized.

He grabbed her hand and looked at it for a moment. Shot her a quick look before returning to her hand. He loved the feel of her hand in his. "You know Sarah, I'm not sure I've been fair with you." She pulled her hand from his.

"Chuck don't you apologize for what happened. You have no responsibility-"

"Not for what happened but for how I reacted afterwards. I think I'm gaining a level of understanding about what life is like being an agent or at least being in your shoes.

"I have never questioned an order. Not even that one. I don't know why but I just do what I am asked to do. Although that was the worst assignment I have ever been asked to do, there have been many others looking back that were very unpleasant."

"Sarah, why do you do it? It sounds awful. Why don't you quit?"

She looked at him, trying to discern if there was a question behind the question. She couldn't tell. "My country needs me. I am very good at what I do. I have made a difference in the past. I guess I just don't know what else I would do."

This was the most open he had ever seen her. He realized that part of it was because he was no longer her asset. But there was more to it than that.

"Come on, Sarah. I am not letting you off the hook that easily. You could do just about anything you wanted to."

She looked at him and smiled. Laying her head on his shoulder, she said. "Even if you're not my boyfriend anymore, you still know how to say the things a girl needs to hear."

He put his arm around her and stroked her hair. "I stopped being your boyfriend months ago but I have never stopped loving you. I don't think I ever will."

She sighed deeply her head on his chest. "If I knew a way to get back to where we were, I would go…I just can't find the path."

"I just started looking for the path. If I find it I will let you know."

She went to sleep with her head on his chest. Chuck stroked Sarah's hair the rest of the trip to Indianapolis.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Searching for the Path

Sarah, Chuck and Lizzy walked into the main shopping area of the terminal. Even though they were not really interested, none of them had been to the Indianapolis Airport so they were looking at the various stores.

It was a crowded day in the commons area. There were people scurrying either to a flight or to meet someone coming home. It was the typical airport scene.

Chuck and Sarah walked side by side. They said nothing but both were enjoying the comfort of just being near each other. Lizzy kept her distance. She noticed the slightest hint of a change in their attitude towards each other. She knew deep down that she never had a chance with Chuck, at least not in that way.

Sarah wore black jeans and a red long sleeved V neck shirt. She carried a black leather jacket over her purse. Chuck wore a pair of brown corduroy slacks, a gray T shirt and and blue button down shirt left unbuttoned.

Lizzy watched them covertly. She thought Chuck was the best guy she had ever met and she had reluctantly decided that if Sarah was the one to make him happy despite whatever happened in their past, she hoped it worked out. She smiled to herself when she saw Chuck reach for Sarah's hand. Sarah smiled up at him and they walked like they had been together for years.

Lizzy was just the right distance behind them to notice before anyone else. A pretty brunette was looking at Chuck as he and Sarah had stopped to peer into one of the shops.

"Chuck? Chuck Bartowski, is that you?"

Chuck looked at the woman for a second and then he recognized her. "Jill, I, well, how. What are you doing in Indianapolis?" he said.

"I live here. I have for almost three years now. I can't believe I've run into you here like this."

At that moment Sarah squeezed Chuck's hand to remind him that she was there.

"Oh, Jill I want you to meet my girlfriend Sarah. Sarah this is Jill…you know from Stanford." Chuck regressed easily to referencing Sarah as his girlfriend.

"It's nice to meet you." Sarah had more difficulty being nice than she would have liked.

"And this is Lizzy. She's both an employee of my company and also a very good friend of mine."

"Nice to meet you both."

The group stood around and made small talk for a while and then an awkward pause led Sarah to say, "Chuck, I wanna look in this store over here. Why don't you and Jill catch up for a few minutes? Lizzy and I can keep ourselves occupied. Right Lizzy?"

"You bet."

"In fact we'll wait for you at those benches over there." Chuck nodded his approval.

He led Jill over to a small group of benches that were for the most part empty. Offering her a seat then sitting down beside her. "I can't believe we've run into each other like this. How are you?" he said.

"Chuck, I'm really good. I have a good husband and a daughter. I'm the city planner for Indy. I love my job. I really don't have any regrets…well maybe just one." She looked at him hoping the subject would not but a dark mood to this chance meeting.

"Ah come on now. Don't live in the past. What happened between me and you and you and Bryce… its water under the bridge."

Thank you so much for understanding. I've wanted to contact you but couldn't." She thought of the three of them together at Stanford. "I wonder how Bryce is? Do you ever see him?"

Chuck realized that he needed to protect Bryce's cover. "He died about a year ago now. A little more actually."

"Oh my God. I didn't know. I'm so sorry. How did he die?"

"Uh, it was work related."

Jill looked at Chuck with a furled brow. "Work related. What do you know about what Bryce did for a living?"

Chuck realized that Jill was trying to understand how much of Bryce's life he was aware of. Which meant that she knew about his secrete life as well. "Jill, Bryce and I worked together on one project in the past. I know what he did for a living."

Jill stared at his face intently and then grabbed his hand. "I'm so glad to hear you say that. I've always wanted to tell you what really happened at Stanford. Maybe get some peace.

"Alright, but I think I know what happened."

She looked back to where they had left Sarah and Lizzy and saw them both sitting in a similar bench. She noticed that Sarah had been watching her. She let go of his hand. "So… you know who Bryce really worked for?"

"Yeah, Jill I knew he worked for the CIA. Like I said we did a job together once."

Did you know that I was recruited at the same time he was? And that we were both in on getting you kicked out of Stanford. It is the one thing in my life that I regret. I still believe in my heart that it was the right thing to do but I know it hurt you…But look, you turned out OK. You own your own business, you have a gorgeous girlfriend. Who by the way keeps looking at us."

"Well the one thing I can tell you. Trust me on this. You do not want to get on the wrong side of Sarah Walker?" Chuck said it joking.

"Sarah Walker? She doesn't work for the CIA too does she?" Jill said in the same joking manner.

"Well, uh, why would you ask that?"

Jill looked up at Chuck's face suddenly concerned. "Oh my God. You're girlfriend is Sarah Walker. Sarah Walker of the CIA. Oh my God. I can't believe this."

"How do you know Sarah?" He was confused at the turn of their conversation.

"I don't know her. But every recruit for the last six years as heard of her. She is a legend. Holds almost every record in the books. If their really is a James Bond, her name is Sarah Walker. Some of us thought it was a made up persona just to get us to put out more effort." She looked back to where Sarah sat. She shivered slightly at the penetrating stare she received from the dark headed agent.

"Wait a minute, I thought she was supposed to be a blonde?"

"She normally is."

"Is she undercover right now?"

"Well, kind of."

"Chuck, tell me the truth. Do you work with her?"

He shook his head. "No Jill, we just have this thing. I can't describe it really."

"I can. The thing you have is entirely on her timeframe, on her needs, you see her when she's available and when she's gone you get no explanation. How is that... pretty close?"

Chuck had to admit she was dead nuts on even when they were together. He tried not to show it but it was obvious from her reaction that she saw that she was accurate.

"Truth is Jill, we're not even together right now. Although we would like to try and make it work, it is difficult."

"Chuck, listen to me. It is impossible. As long as she is with the CIA, you will never know if your relationship is even remotely real."

Chuck laughed at her choice of words.

"Plus, this is Sarah Walker we're talking about. She is a legend. She **is** the CIA. I don't see her leaving, ever. My advice to you is to get out. Walk away and never look back."

Chuck smiled a sad smile, "I've tried to do that. I have. We both have." Chuck stole a quick look at the topic of conversation. "I don't know if we are meant to be miserable or at best left wondering what is going to happen next. It's the same for her too, you know. She's as miserable as I am. We can't live with this situation but we can't live apart it would seem."

**"**It will never change I'm afraid." She looked at her watch. "I hope there's no hard feelings from Stanford," she said.

Chuck smiled at her. "Jill with everything I've been through since then, it seems like a small thing now. I want you to stop worrying about it, OK. Promise me you'll stop worrying about it." He stood up. "I really need to get going too."

"Chuck, could you let me meet her one more time. I would like to say hello or goodbye to her. You don't know how hard it is as a recruit trying to match some ideal of perfection. Oh, I never really said but I didn't cut the mustard. I was kicked out."

"Sorry to hear that Jill."

"Don't be. I like how things tuned out.

Chuck walked with Jill as they went back to where Sarah and Lizzy sat. They talked just a bit and then Jill said her goodbye's and left.

Sarah, Lizzy and Chuck went to the Hertz counter to pick up a car.

"What was that all about?" Sarah asked of Chuck.

"What do you mean?"

"I think you know what I mean. Jill coming back to say goodbye, I didn't like the way she looked at me."

"Come on Sarah, it was probably just your imagination." He reached down to grab her hand. Even though she thought he was holding something back she let him have it.

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Again Chuck and Sarah had the adjoining rooms. It was a given at this point. Lizzy had a room at the end of the hall. They had spent the day planning where they might go to spot Casey. Mei-Ling had indicated that he was not on a mission. But no one knew that much about Casey's hobbies or private life so it was difficult. By the end of the day they had put together the beginning of a plan to locate Casey in this city of about a million people.

The three of them were in Chuck's room as it was the typical meeting room for them. Lizzy stretched and then said, "I'm getting hungry, where are we going to eat tonight"

She noticed Sarah and Chuck exchange a look. Sarah stood up and started gathering her belongings. "I'm going to order room service and make an early night of it."

"Lizzy, I think I'm going to do the same thing. Do you mind?"

Lizzy laughed and then looked from one to the other. "If you two think your fooling me you're crazy. Have a good time." Lizzy left the room. She shot Chuck a small smile as she left.

He knew she was OK with it.

Sarah waited for the door to close and then sat down beside Chuck. She smiled at him and ran her hands through his hair. _I've wanted to do that for so long, she thought._ They had been building to this night for sometime. It was the hand holding, her sleeping on his chest and his stroking her hair. It was the honest conversation. It was all of it. Neither one made the first move. It was like they both just knew they would end up together this night.

There was no offer explicit beyond this night. No future promise. It was just the fact that both of them wanted it. They both went to Sarah's room and ordered room service. Changed into their pajamas and settled in for the evening.

The sex was like always. Intimate. Sarah often wondered how doing the very same thing with Chuck that she had done for her job always seemed so much more personal so much more...satisfying _That is what love adds to the mix, she thought._

"I can't keep my hands off of you," he said to her as he rubbed her arm. You feel like, like, something I need," he said unable to find just the right words. He stopped talking. This was heading toward an unwanted topic. The future, it was as if they both knew that was not a subject to be discussed this night.

They made love three times that night. They were both satisfied and bathing in the warm feeling of lying next to one another and feelingthe touch of their skin.

It was early in the morning, just before dawn when Chuck stumbled upon the path that led back to Sarah, the Sarah that he always wanted but never had. As he felt her body next to his, he remembered the words of Lazlo and of Jill. He knew one thing and one thing only. He wanted her. He wanted her today, he wanted her tomorrow and he wanted her always. He didn't care about their past. He didn't care. He wanted her. He laid his hand upon her hip and snuggled in a little closer. With that settled, he just had to come up with a way to have her. He would not settle for the Sarah Walker that he fell in love with, his protector. He was greedy. He wanted all of the Sarah Walker's there were. He wanted to know and love them all.

He realized that for him to have them all he would have to risk it all. It was as he considered what he was willing to risk to have them all, that she turned over to face him. She pressed her naked body into his.

The made love four times that night.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I have a short epilogue yet to post.

Chapter Nine

Decisions Made

Sarah and Chuck had room service bring their breakfast. She sat reading the USA Today while Chuck was lost in thought. He was quiet, introspective. She knew it on some level but was preoccupied with the paper.

"Sarah." It was the tone of his voice that caught her attention. Drawing the newspaper down, she looked over the top of it at him.

"Marry me." His eyes were searching.

She saw that. "Chuck," That's all she could say. She cleared her throat. I… I don't know-"

"Look Sarah, we have tried in the past but something always got in our way. Let's try again, but this time if we're married we can't just walk away. It will take more effort. I don't want to give up on you. I want losing you to be as hard physically as it is emotionally. If we get married it will be, or at least more so."

"You know I love you," she said.

He shook his head in answer.

"But I don't see how that is going to fix our problems."

"What problems Sarah. Spell it out. The last time we were having this conversation it was you trying to convince me we needed to get back together. Time has shown me that you were right. Please don't tell me you've changed your mind."

"The last 3 months have been hard on me. Hell, our whole time together has been hard on me. First, I was trying to convince myself, and then you, that I didn't care about you, that I didn't love you. Finally, just when it seemed that we had a shot at making it work." She hung her head gently shaking it back and forth. "Then I get that order."

They locked eyes for a moment.

The last three months have been the hardest. I've thought about you everyday. When I should be concentrating on work, I'm thinking about you. My work has suffered. So I'm unhappy because I don't have you and I'm unhappy because I expect more of myself with my job.

She stood and walked away from him. "What scares me the most is if we try to work it out…who's to say it will work? Then I'm in worse shape than I've ever been in. Chuck one day you're the very air I breath and the next day you're poison."

He did not take offense. He knew exactly what she was saying. He had lived it too.

Chuck stood up to join her. With her back to him he put his arms around her clasping them at her stomach, he laid his chin on her shoulder. "Look Sarah, you can't live in fear of this. We're worth the risk. Tell me you will think about it?"

She turned to face him. "I'll think about it. But I have to be honest I don't think I'll agree to marry you…I just don-"

"Don't say any more. Just think about it."

He had not meant for it to but his spontaneous proposal put an edge to the morning. Lizzy, when she joined them felt the tension in the air immediately. _How can these two make loving so hard, she thought? _

They were in Chuck's room now. Lizzy looked from one to the other. "How was your night? You guy's enjoy yourself?"

They both sort of chuckled.

"See… you guys had a great time. Why the long faces today?" She honestly hoped someone would answer her.

Chuck looked at Sarah to see if she would give it a shot. Seeing she was not about to, he said. "We had a great time, Lizzy. The best. But it's over now and we have got to move on. That's the problem."

Just as she was about to speak, Sarah's phone rang. Sarah looked at it and then said. "I've got to take this." She went into her room and closed the door.

Chuck knew it was her job calling. Intruding once again on his time with her. As he looked at the closed door, it reminded him of how Sarah was closed to him with respect to her job. It could never be a topic of conversation for them. That door began to symbolize her job and we wanted to kick it in, rip it from the wall like he wanted to rip the secretes from their lives. He was about to stand up when he heard Sarah raise her voice from the other room.

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Sarah closed her door and answered her phone. "Sarah Walker, secure."

"Arthur Graham, Secure. How are you Agent Walker?"

I'm fine Sir. We are in Indianapolis. We're pretty sure Casey's here."

"Walker, what I wanted to talk with about is Chuck's friend, Elizabeth Stone. There was some mix up with her background check. We cannot corroborate her being a graduate of Clemson University like she has told Chuck. That calls other apects of her background in question."

"What are you saying, Director?"

"I don't want Chuck talking about company business with her. If he hasn't already, he could leak information to any number of groups we would just as soon not get their hands on the intel Bartowski has access to."

Sarah hesitated, "What are my orders, Director?"

Do not allow Bartowski to discuss company matters with her. Use whatever means to prevent it."

"Yes sir." Sarah's eyes went dead like her insides. "I can't believe this!" she yelled. She took five minutes or more to compose herself. She knew having been given that order that somehow she would have to carry it out. It was inevitable. She wanted to drop to her knees and ball. But she couldn't, she had a job to do. Prevent any unauthorized communication between Chuck and Lizzy. She opened her door and felt like she was walking towards the executioner as she entered Chuck's room. Even though she had no reason to, she knew she would have to act on that order.

She noticed that they both watched her intently. Without appearing to notice she thought it was odd how Lizzy was scrutinizing her. She would have investigated this further but Chuck distracted her.

Sarah, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, just work."

_Work…Work, his true nemesis, he thought._ He hated her work. The secretes, the lies.

"I don't understand what's going on with you two. Something bad must have happened in the past. I've never seen two people so tore up. I'm going to my room. Call me when your ready to leave." Lizzy said, the exasperation evident in her voice.

Chuck snapped when Sarah refused to speak with him about the call. It's the way it had always been and the way it would always be. He thought about what Jill had told him. He now knew who his rival was. It was never Bryce Larkin. Sarah's real lover, the one he never could compete with. Her job. He wanted to do something, strike out at her job. Confront it as though it were a man. Anything to release his pent up anger.

"Good idea, Lizzy. You don't know anything about Sarah and I." Chuck walked to the door and opened it. "Come on, do I have a story to tell you." They walked out into the hall about half way to Lizzy's room.

"Chuck." Sarah said. It was the sound of her voice that made him turn around. Her expression alone told him that he could not talk with Lizzy about any of this.

"What's the matter Sarah? Don't you trust me?" Seeing her expression made him livid. She was doing her job now.

"I trust you with my life Chuck. But I have orders." She hoped he understood what she was saying and that she would have no choice if pushed to the limit.

_Please Chuck. Please come back. Please don't go with Lizzy, she thought._

Chuck knew that she did trust him with her life. He decided that it was time once and for all to see if now, she could be trusted with his.

"Sarah, what do you propose I say to Lizzy? Nothing! You will be on a plane to who knows where in a week or two while Lizzy and I go back to California and work together for the next...who knows how long."

"Do you really THINK I can just ignore this?"

"What I know is you cannot have that conversation." _She had her orders, she thought again._

Chuck knew he was pushing Sarah's buttons. But what Sarah didn't know was that he was intentionally bating her.

Lizzy also knew that they were speaking of more than just their romance.

Chuck stared Sarah down and then finally said, "Come on Lizzy."

"Chuck. Don't make me do this." Sarah's arm was behind her back and both Chuck and Lizzy knew she concealed something. Chuck knew exactly what it was.

Chuck took two steps toward Sarah, full of rage. "But Sarah, that is exactly what I am going to make you do."

Lizzy looked from Chuck then to Sarah and she could see a cold, steel in Sarah's eyes. Lizzy was sure the bluff her boss was playing was about to be called. She became really frightened.

Chuck took a deep breath and then continued. "The world of Sarah Walker and the world of Chuck Bartowski can't exist together as much as I wish they could. I've just come to realize that I don't care to live in my world without you."

He took another step towards Sarah with less anger in his movement. "I am forcing you to choose. Right here. Right now. Are you going to stay in your world **alone** or come to mine?" He stared at her for what seemed like an eternity as he searched her blue eyes.

But then he saw that she realized what he intended to do.

Those same blue eyes began to tear up. "Chuck, don't you dare do this to me. I will do it, I promise you. You **know** I will."

Chuck no longer cared.

As he turned back towards Lizzy, he heard movement from Sarah and he knew she had drawn her gun.

"Chuck." Her voice was calm. She had stepped out into the hall. He stopped but did not turn around.

"I will do it, but I won't be able to live with it."

He knew what she was telling him. Again, after pulling the trigger she would pull it a second time. And this time Casey wouldn't be here to stop her.

With his back still turned to her he said, "You need to decide which world you're gonna live in. Sarah I've found the path. We'll see in a minute if it's a dead end."He began to walk away.

He heard the distinctive sound of her Beretta cocking but he continued to walk down the aisle. One step, then two, then three. He really didn't expect to see his next step.

Just a split second before she pulled the trigger, she flashed to that moment in his room. The look in his eyes haunted her to this day. Then she remembered the sound of him calling out to her in his dream and how she could hear the betrayal he felt in his voice. She thought of how lifeless she felt as she slumped to the floor after pulling the trigger. Then she thought of Carina. _Is Chuck more important that my job? she thought._ It was at that moment that she broke.

"Bartowski."

The change in her voice caused Lizzy to turn around to look at Sarah. She quickly grabbed her boss's arm.

Chuck turned to see Sarah falling to her knees just outside his hotel room doorway sobbing uncontrollably. Lizzy began to walk back towards Sarah but Chuck grabbed her arm. "Sarah, I want you. But I will not share you because you know as sure as I'm standing here right now... alive, that my world and your world are not meant to be together. Your job required you to do what you thought you had to do, even if it hurt me." He had tears in his eyes as he watched her.

"That's what I've done, Sarah. What I had to do. But if you come with me, I promise you I will spend every minute of my life making sure you forget about all the pain you've suffered."

Lizzy looked from Chuck to Sarah with tears streaming down her eyes. To see the proud woman sobbing uncontrollably in the hallway was more than she could stand.

"Please Sarah, go with him. I know he loves you. I know him and he will love you until his last breath."

It was something about her simple statement, from a relative stranger, that pierced Sarah's heart. She began to consider the possibility of a different life.

"Chuck, I can't leave...this life." she finally said."

"Why not? Sarah." He waited until she looked at him. "Why Not?" He spread his arms out to the side in frustration.

"It's all I know." She dropped her gaze.

"That's not true, Sarah. You know what life can be like living with me." He began to walk back towards her slowly. "You know about my family and friends and how they will accept you back into their hearts as though you never left. And you know that I would die for just the chance to be with you."

Sarah could not deny that. He had just proven it.

Chuck stood in front of her now as he spoke to her. When he finished he looked at her until she raised her head to look at him again. After holding her gaze for a moment he reached out his hand to her. She looked at his hand and then at his face. With a hint of a smile she took hold of his hand and allowed him to help her up.

As Chuck put his arm around Sarah, Lizzy began to cry with happiness. She noticed as they walked into his room and closed the door that Sarah had left her pistol on the carpet. She hurried back to where Sarah had fallen and picked up the weapon and put it in her purse.

She pulled out a handkerchief from her purse and dried her eyes. As she thought about what she had just witnessed, she pulled out her phone and dialed a number.

"Yes, Agent Stone here. Yes, Director Graham, everything went as planned. I was worried at one point, but in the end, she decided to stay with Chuck. It was a very dangerous game we played here today. Yes sir, I've read her file. Yes sir. I couldn't agree more sir. If someone with Agent Walker's record does not deserve happiness, I don't know who does." Yes sir, I'll see you next week.

Agent Stone put away her phone and went to finish up the loose ends on her first assignment.

Chuck walked Sarah towards his bed but halfway there and mid-stride, her body suddenly stiffened. She looked at him, her gaze so intense it actually frightened him for a moment. She had put the pieces together.

"I have one question to ask you, she said. It's important that you answer it honestly." He had never heard the tone of her voice before.

He could only nod his head.

"Were you a part of it?"

Chuck looked at her trying to understand what she was really asking. "I don't-"

"It's a simple question, Chuck. Were you in on it?"

"Sarah, I don't have a clue what you're talking about."

Sarah searched his eyes and then smiled the first happy smile he had seen on her since their reunion. "That's the right answer."


	10. Chapter 10

Epilogue

Director Graham walked into the conference room. He sat down; put on his glasses and began to read a report he had carried in with him. Looking at the other attendees, he allowed a small smile to grace his face. "Very good work, everyone."

"I would have given this mission about a 10 percent chance of success before we started. I'm still amazed that we pulled it off without Walker figuring out the ruse." He looked to the agents seated around the room. Does anyone have anything to add to the field report?"

"Best damn mission I've ever been on. If this is how things are done in the CIA maybe I've been working for the wrong agency all these years." Casey laughed with everyone else.

"By the way Casey, nice tan. How was the Mediterranean?" Graham asked.

Casey smiled and smirked at the same time. "It's nice this time of year. Lot's of sand." Everyone got a chuckle out of Casey's tough assignment.

Director Graham looked at Bryce and Carina sitting at the far end of the conference table. "You guys did a good job. I thought Bryce because of your past involvement; you might have a difficult time fooling her."

"Yeah, I'm a little hurt. She seemed to accept the fact that I'm a complete asshole pretty quick. She never even blinked when she heard Carina and I were together."

"That's because she knows how low my standards are partner," Carina said.

Everyone got a good laugh at Bryce's expense.

"Seriously, I consider this one of the more important things I've done in the past five or six years. I appreciate the opportunity to make amends to two of the best people I know," Bryce said.

Everyone in the room sounded their agreement.

"My job was pretty easy," Mei-ling said. I just told her the truth. But I'm still glad to have been a part of this."

There was a knock on the door and a pretty young woman stepped in the room. "Sorry I'm late sir, I'm not used to Washington traffic yet."

"That's OK Agent Stone. In many ways you had the toughest job of all. The more time spent with Agent Walker the more likely she was to figure out what was going on. Very commendable on your first mission."

"Thank you sir."

As everyone knows, both Jill Barrows and Lazlo could not be here for different and obvious reasons. I will express the team's appreciation as well."

"From this moment on the official story on Agent Sarah Walker is after seven years with the CIA, she has retired."

Everyone nodded their agreement.

"And she is never to learn about what we did." He looked around the room.

Everyone continued to shake their heads in agreement.

"I guess I'll never really understand Sarah giving up the CIA for Chuck but I'm happy if she is," Carina said.

"I understand it completely Carina. If Chuck and Sarah had not worked it out...and Chuck would have asked me to stay. I would have thought about it," Elizabeth said. "He is an amazing guy."

"Oh Sir, I almost forgot, Miss Marshall said to give you this note." Agent Stone slid an eight and a half by eleven manila folder to the Director.

The Director opened the envelope and began to read. The agents around the room could not help but notice his brow furrow. Then his expression lightened as he finally finished with an ear to ear grin on his face.

I have been asked to read this statement. So without clarification.

Dear Director Graham,

I want to thank you for everything you've done for me over the last seven years. I am proud to have served my country the best way I knew how. As you know from our phone conversation, this is my official resignation request.

I thought I would update you on what's happened in LA since we last spoke. Chuck has sold his first game for an incredibly large amount of money. His company is expanding and I've never seen him happier. Ellie and Devon were married last week and are in the process of buying a new home. Chuck was the Best Man and Ellie actually asked me to be her Maid of Honor. I've never had a sister before. I think I'm going to like having someone to share a little girl talk with.

Morgan and Ana have moved in together. Morgan really came through for Chuck with their first contract. He believes they are going to have a fabulous year.

Oh by the way. I want to thank you for permitting Chuck and I to discuss my past with the CIA in our counseling sessions. I think it will help our long term understanding of each other.

As for Chuck and I, things have never been better. We are living in his apartment but will look for a house after we're married. Oh, did I forget to mention we're getting married.

He proposed on the beach where we spent our very first night together. He wants to get a house in that same neighborhood but I think it might be too pricey.

I want to thank you for your suggestion about my future livelihood. I've decided to give it a try. I was not sure how law enforcement agencies would feel about using the talents of a has-been CIA agent for security consultations but it appears as though someone from the CIA has let the word out about Sarah Walker Security Consultants. I'm going to have to hire my own staff if I want to keep up with all the request coming in. Oh, and just so you know, Agent Stone wasn't even in her hotel room yet before I had it figured out. I can't believe you went to all of that trouble for me. I want to thank you all. Oh, and Bryce, that was horrible acting. You just don't do asshole very well.

Carina, great job, I would have to say you have always done slut well.

Casey I hear you got a great tan. It's a good thing they kept you away from me. I would have made you in a minute.

Chuck and I want to invite you all to our wedding on September twenty fourth. I don't know if you'll let Lazlo out for it but I hope you do. I will send Jill an invitation as well. I want us to get together and relive the sting operation that brought Chuck and I together.

Oh and Director Graham, if you need any consulting work feel free to give me a call.

Oh and one last thing. Agent Stone. I want my gun back.

Best regards,

Sarah Walker

**A/N: I would really appreciate anyone letting me know about the flow and "tightness" of the last three chapters. Did you have it figured out? Did they hold your interest. I am trying to understand if my instincts are correct. I don't mind criticism. Thanks, LeeCan.**

**A/N: I am going to continue with the "In Treatment" story. I may fall on my face with this but we'll see how it goes. It may take me a while to write the next chapter.**


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